Top 100 animal puns
1. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
2. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
4. The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
5. The eagles club formed an add hawk committee.
6. Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.
7. A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"
8. The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
9. Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.
10. Did you hear about the two seeing eye dogs that went on a blind date?
11. In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.
12. It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.
13. What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball? Spike.
14. A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.
15. When my cat lost her three male kittens, I had to call missing purr sons.
16. The flock of doves decided to stage a coo.
17. Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.
18. Horses in the movies only have Bit parts.
19. When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.
20. He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.
21. Two giraffes were in a race. They were neck and neck.
22. Are evil wildebeests bad gnus?
23. I phoned the zoo but the lion was busy.
24. His horse is missing a bit. I got it right from the horse's mouth.
25. When a cow gives birth she not only gives cream, she is de-calf-inated.
26. Twelve male sheep with beepers created a ram-page.
27. An ailing hamster revived after receiving mouse to mouse resuscitation.
28. A smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.
29. On the surface of things whales are always blowing it.
30. A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey'.
31. A parrot that goes without breakfast is a polynomial.
32. Two attractive female birds were showing off in front of some males. Both had spent two hours at the hairdresser, but it was the curly bird that got the perm.
33. A cross between a puppy and a bunny is a rabid dog.
34. The bear went over the mountain to see what was bruin.
35. Pure-bred dogs are bona-fido.
36. Animals that tunnel in the soil have to have an escape root.
37. Herbivores come in browns and graze.
38. A horse is a very stable animal.
39. The duck said to the bartender, 'put it on my bill.'
40. A cat that swallowed a ball of wool had mittens.
41. Insects that make honey are always on their best bee-hive-iour.
42. There were three horses on a ship including a sick bay.
43. The chicken went to the middle of the road. She was going to lay it on the line.
44. We found a dead crow in our front yard but have yet to hear the caws of death.
45. Rabbits breed by leaps and bounds.
46. After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful look about him.
47. One horse said to another: your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.
48. To purchase a cat, find a pet store with a fee line.
49. Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
50. Its amazing how eagles catch their prey, they must be really talonted.
51. Don't believe what you hear about fleas and ticks -- it's all lice.
52. A job circumcising elephants isn't so bad. The base salary is small but the tips are big.
53. If you hear it from the horse's mouth you're listening to a neigh sayer.
54. What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion.
55. A bird watcher had a mynah problem but with no egrets.
56. Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.
57. The marine biology seminars werent for entertainment, but were created for educational porpoises.
58. A cat found a mysterious sweater, but the mystery was soon unravelled.
59. Use conscience-stricken in a sentence: 'Never conscience-stricken before they're hatched.'
60. Have you ever heard of an honest cheetah?
61. If a cow is being fed properly but doesn't give milk there must be an udder reason.
62. An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
63. A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.
64. It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.
65. Several carniverous animals were eating the carcass but the king of beasts got the lion's share.
66. If a horse could predict the weather, it would probably say that the weather is stable.
67. Our cat sleeps on a down pillow. We've always had a soft spot for her.
68. A goat that ate office supplies was on a staple diet.
69. It's hard for a depressed turtle to get out of his shell.
70. Scientists have created a flea from scratch.
71. The farmer gave his chickens a bushel of feed, but they only took a peck.
72. She thought it was a real horse, but it was a phony.
73. Don't kiss birds or you may get an untweetable canarial disease.
74. When a vulture flies, he takes carrion luggage.
75. An angry bird landed on a door knob. Then flew off the handle.
76. There was a snake that gave birth to a bouncing baby boa.
77. Did you hear about the crab in financial difficulty? It was starting to feel the pinch.
78. Cats are often the victims of fur-ball abuse.
79. If you sight a whale, it could be a fluke.
80. An eagle and a hawk had a difference of a pinion.
81. One grasshopper told another about eating corn. It went in one ear and out the other.
82. His job was to find a leopard as an on-the-spot reporter.
83. The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide.
84. Two foxes chasing four rabbits decided to split hares.
85. Birds dont mind fowl weather in fact they usually find it just ducky.
86. News: a monkey at the zoo backed into a fan. Details to follow.
87. Sign at a deer crossing: The Buck Stops Here.
88. A kitten born in the 10th month of the year is an Octo-puss.
89. Lions always take great pride in their families.
90. Nature reserves are an eagle opportunity employer.
91. Male deer have buck teeth.
92. Where there are many chickens you can find layers of eggs.
93. A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.
94. An argument over puppy selection is a pique of the litter.
95. You can't trust a tiger. You never know when he might be lion.
96. A boy told his parents he wanted to raise goats for a living, but he was only kidding.
97. A bird watcher was recently convicted of storking.
98. My dog's gone because I spilled Spot remover on him.
99. Two snakes parted, and one said, 'fangs for the memories'.
100. A werewolf's favorite day of the week is moonday.
Very funny and very clever,Ginny.